is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
