Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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