Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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