My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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