ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
