I wanna bring you to show and tell
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
