just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I didn't notice because vodka
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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