Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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