I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
