Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
