I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize