Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
