did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
