Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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