lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
