Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
