Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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