The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
