You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This is the high leading the old right now
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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