I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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