Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
