grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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