You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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