Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
