I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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