Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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