is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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