I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
