A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I didn't notice because vodka
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
