I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
