I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
