Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
