he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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