You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
