she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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