Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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