Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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