Only a mothe r could love this liver
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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