I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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