We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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