my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize