omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
