I skipped work to stalk him.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
