He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize