At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
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