i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
