Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize