he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
