sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
