can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
