She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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