Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize