I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
