well I can't set my house on fire every night
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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