I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
