Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
