Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize