Jerry, you need to find god
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
