Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
