he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize