I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
