I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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