we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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