we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
