u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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