You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
