sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She told me I should be a condom model.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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