Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
