Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
