i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
