the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
