just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
