Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
