I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
