Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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