I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
