Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
