his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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