and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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