you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
