Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
