i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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