he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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