she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
