she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
