ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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