He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
