I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
