There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We smell like vodka and hangover
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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