he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
