I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
