There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
