Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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