from now on my penis is your penis
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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