everyone is single if you try hard enough
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
