Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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