walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
